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Today is Smart Bitches Monday, but the well is going dry.

An open letter to romance novel authors:

Dear Ladies . . . and Gentlemen, too, although you are a teeny tiny minority in RomanceLandia:

Stop. I feel like Susan Powter, screaming "Stop the insanity!" But really, you’ve got to. Stop with the paranormals and the erotic romance. They’ve been done to death. I’m bored. Bored, bored, bored. I wandered around the romance section of the bookstore this past weekend, and what did I see? More paranormals, more erotic romance, very little else. Blah, blah, blah. So I decamped to the fantasy and mystery sections, along with the general fiction.

I’m pretty much over vampires and werewolves and other creatures that go bump in the night. Seriously, if I read about one more world weary creature of the night whose ennui evaporates under the enlivening Power of Love and Hot Sex, I’ll gouge out my own eyeballs**. And no more slapped-together plot as an excuse for a dozen sex scenes in various locations in a myriad of positions, please, or I might go crazy and beat someone to death with a sex toy.

Is it too much to ask that there be a story in addition to the sex? And really, while I like the occasional well-done nookie interlude, it works for the story only when it fits into the story. Authors, please don’t wedge a love scene into your MS with a shoe horn, interrupting the pacing, having the h/h bump pelvises when they are supposed to be on the run or doing something under time constraint or are under pressure to accomplish a particular goal. ‘Cause, you know, stopping for sex when you are supposed to be running for your life is dumb and any h/h that easily distracted (hmm, live long and have sex later, or have sex now and possibly die?) should be killed off.

I know, sex sells. And publishers seem to be hot for paranormals. I know you authors walk a fine line, trying to satisfy the Muse while also writing something that fits into the shoebox definition of what is publishable today. It’s a hard job, and I feel for you. But there has to be another story in you, one that doesn’t have a blood-sucking fiend, or a wolfman, or a hero and heroine (and I use those terms reluctantly) having as much sex as possible in 200 pages of large-spaced font bound as a trade paperback.

I’m not the most demanding or discriminating of romance readers, so if I’m this disgusted by what’s on offer, there must be other bored readers out there. Don’t you want to keep us around? If we’re bored, we’re gonna go elsewhere. Entertainment dollars are too dear to waste on books that bore or genres that stagnate. Just stop.

Regretfully yours,
jmc

**My favorite paranormal character, Kelley Armstrong’s Clayton Danvers, is unrepentantly pleased to be a werewolf. No angst. No woe is me. He is what he is, and he doesn’t suffer guilt or regret about it.

Date: 2006-05-09 11:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jperceval.livejournal.com
1. Yes, LKH has jumped the shark. Quite a few times, IMO.

2. Love, love, LOVE Clay. And Jeremy. Actually very few of Armstrong's characters regret what they are, which is, now that I think about it, one of the reasons I like her so much.

3. Another paranormal author whose characters don't loathe themselves is Marjorie M. Liu.

Date: 2006-05-09 12:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jmc-bks.livejournal.com
I read Liu's first book, the one with the Tiger hero. Liked it a lot, until the love scene, which veered a little too close to bestiality for me. I haven't checked out her book in the Crimson City series or the next book in her Dirk & Steele series. Are they worth the cover prices?

Liu

Date: 2006-05-09 12:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jperceval.livejournal.com
Yeah, I got a little squicky about the scene in Tiger Eye too. My line would have been drawn if Hari didn't change back to human before penetration. THEN I would have run screaming.

Liu's Crimson City entry was my favorite of the series (that I've read so far, but I really don't see the others topping it), and I really liked Shadow Touch, though at first I thought it was going to parallel Armstrong's Stolen too closely for comfort. But she took a similar concept (the imprisoning of preternaturals) and put a different spin on it than Armstrong.

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